Standing Strong |
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What does it mean to cleave to your spouse? |
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I was asked the question by a relatively newly married friend, what does it mean to cleave to someone? This question is one that deserves a deeper investigation of the scripture than one might first want to give. There is one key statement about marriage that is repeated four times in the Bible. Not just once. Not even twice. But, four times. It must be of great importance and a blueprint for how to live a married life as G-d would desire.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (ASV) Matt 19:5 and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? (ASV) Mark 10:7-8 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh: so that they are no more two, but one flesh. (ASV) Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. (ASV) All of these have a formula for G-d’s plan. And all of these are aimed at the action a man is to take. Why not a woman? Does this apply to a woman also? I will address the gender relative to the command after looking at what the command means in each of its three steps.
Step 1: Leave. Specifically leave his father and his mother. Does this mean to abandon his parents or to no longer honor his father and his mother? Mark 7:9-13 give us the answer on this as “obviously not.” It means to leave the position of making them you primary focus in relationships. It means they have been preparing themselves for the day their son must change his focus from them to his wife. It is a time when your spouse’s ideas, opinions, and directives are more important than those of your parents. I believe this is not just a command for your relationship with your parents. It is a command for your relationship will all others excluding G-d. Not just relationships with people but also relationships with objects, and duties. Many the marriage has been lost because of a man putting his job ahead of his wife.
Even after married the woman must maintain the position of top priority. Pity the man who lets his children take the place of his first love and the problems that then occur when the empty nest syndrome comes in later years. Leave all relations save that with G-d for eternity so that you have a smooth surface prepared for the cleaving process to take place and be maintained.
Step 2: Cleave. The Hebrew word is Daw-bak. It means glue, adhere, stick or join together. Glue holds the marriage together. I like to use the imagery of thin pieces of wood. Neither one is that strong alone. But, when you glue layers of wood together, using at least three pieces, you get strong plywood that holds great strength. Have you ever tried to separate plywood? Occasionally you will find a piece of plywood that has soaked in water over a great period of time and the pieces have managed to come apart without splintering, but usually you end up with a splintered mess with neither piece left intact. Even when separated by soaking, the wood ends up warped and no longer good for much of anything. Once things are cleaved together it is forever. The only way to get them apart is by causing permanent damage to each piece involved. With G-d being the third piece of wood in the making of a marriage, the symbolism speaks for itself. Even G-d is torn when you separate what He has joined together. See Malachi 2:14 Romans: 2-3 and Matt 19:8-10.
Another definition of Daw-bak is to catch by pursuit. That’s right, the man is to continue to pursue his wife even after they are married. Don’t stop romancing her. Don’t stop pursuing her now that she is caught. In matters of the heart the pursuit must continue each and every day. Don’t wear your ragged clothes that you would never be seen in public as if she doesn’t matter. Seek to be attractive to her in appearance and stature. The man must make the very focus of his life his spouse. Only then has he fully taken the command to cleave to her to heart.
Leave and cleave also takes place in our relationship with G-d. Deut 13:4 states “Ye shall walk after the L-RD your G-d, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.” (KJV)
Cleaving means sticking in there when things get rough, talking things out, praying things through, being patient, asking forgiveness, and seeking G-d’s counsel regularly. |
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Isaiah 11:6 2 Thessalonians 2:15 |
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Giving it all up for the one you love |
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Plywood is hard to separate without doing damage to all the layers |
